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Understanding the adolescent

Adolescence is a difficult period in which the young person trying to cope with an inner conflict of striving for independence while still relying on adult support. There are inevitable clashes with parents, especially during the turbulent years of 13.

What are the hallmarks of the adolescent?

• self-consciousness
• self-awareness self-centredness
• lack of confidence

These basic features lead to anxieties about the body, and so many adolescents focus on their skin, body shape, weight and hair. Concerns about acne, curly hair, round shoulders and obesity are very common.

There are special concerns about boy and relationships and maybe guilt or frustration about sexual matters. Many adolescents therefore have a lack of self-worth or a poor body image. They are very private people, and this must be respected. While there are concerns about their identity, parental conflict, school, their peers and the world around them, there is also an innate separation anxiety.

What are the needs of adolescents?

• 'room' to move
• privacy and confidentiality
• security (eg. stable home)
• acceptance by peers
• someone to 'lean on' (eg. youth leader)
• special 'heroes'
• establishment of an adult sexual role

How does rebelliousness show?

It is quite normal for normal parents and normal teenagers to clash and get into arguments. Adolescents usually have a suspicion of and rebellion against convention and authority (parents, teachers, politicians, police and so on). This attitude tends to fade after leaving school (at around 18 years of age).

Common signs are:

• criticising and questioning parents
• putting down family members or even friends
• unusual, maybe outrageous fashions and hairstyles
• experimenting with drugs such as nicotine and alcohol
• bravado and posturing
• unusual, often stormy, love affairs

Signs of out-of-control behaviour are:

• refusal to attend school
• vandalism and theft
• drug abuse
• sexual promiscuity
• eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, severe obesity
• depression

Note: Beware of suicide if there are signs of depression.

What should parents do?

Wise parenting can be difficult, because one cannot afford to be over-protective or too distant. A successful relationship depends on good communication, which means continuing to show concern and care but being flexible and giving the adolescent 'space' and time.

Important management tips are:

• Treat adolescents with respect.
• Be non-judgmental.
• Stick to reasonable ground rules of behaviour (eg. regarding alcohol, driving, language).
• Do not cling to them or show too much concern.
• Listen rather than argue.
• Listen to what they are not saying.
• Be flexible and consistent.
• Be available to help when requested.
• Give advice about diet and skin care.
• Talk about sex and give good advice, but only when the right opportunity arises.

Healthy distraction

Most authorities say that the best thing to keep adolescents healthy and adjusted is to be active and interested. Regular participation in sporting activities and other hobbies such as bushwalking, skiing and so on with parents or groups is an excellent way to help them cope with this important stage of their lives.

Remember

Adolescent problems are a passing phase. Some authorities say it ends at 18 or 19, while others claim the 'age of reason' is reached at 23 or 24!

Copyright 1995: John Murtagh, Professor of General Practice
Monash University, Melbourne, Australia